Paranoid Tales Issues


Paranoid Tales #1

Publisher: Chicken Outfit Media
Year: 1990

After a long stint at college in Animation and E.N.G., I decided to put out my first published comic. I moved to Toronto and peddled it around in true underground style – begging.

Superhero comic stores refused to support it, but The Beguiling, was it’s rightful home for a while. Highlights in this issue include:

Cartoon Cachexia My bloated egotistical fantasy of fame and fortune.

Businessmen’s Long Lunch War Stories Another true-to-life tale of two marketing maroons out for lunch. Most of the dialogue here is verbatim.


Paranoid Tales #2 :

The Lost Films of Phil Cohen
Publisher: Chicken Outfit Media

Year: 1990

Issue #2 had the ever popular Re:Search film parody, “The Lost Films of Phil Cohen” which got me a lot of fan mail asking where they could find the director’s films. It was written with J.David Staines, a playwright and ex-co worker buddy of mine who has since disappeared into some vortex. He could be married with children or editing literature, or both…I can’t be sure…

We attended a comic convention to show the infamous H.G. Lewis the article as it was somewhat based on Drew Friedman. H.G. Lewis: “The humour is vicious, boys. Just like mine.”


Paranoid Tales #3 :

The All Death Issue
Publisher: Chicken Outfit Media

Year: 1991

With issue three I decided to probe into my background and obsession with our mortality. All the influences are here, from Starsky and Hutch to KISS to John Carpenter’s Halloween. My media-addled brain is literally exposed for all to see.

Highlights include:

How I Got The Fear
A foray into my crazed childhood and insane girlfriends that all lead somehow, to a Freudian nightmare of scarring proportions.

If I Had a Gun
A little 3 pager about my fantasy of being the only man on earth with a license to kill.

Paranoid Tales #4:

The Green Issue
Publisher: Chicken Outfit Media
Year: 1992

Moving out of Toronto, back to my old hometown and working for retail video stores then finally, video post-production houses, my quest to get this issue made was rife with problems.

I had to find a printer to take the P.O. and publish the thing before they got paid. Once the issues are delivered to the distributors, I get paid, then the printer gets paid. The owner agreed, then backed out last minute and said, “I wouldn’t want my children to read this filth.” I ended up self-publishing, again.

Only thing in this issue I still laugh at: I Was A Major Video Flunkie, my hellish job hunt and subsequent hiring in yet another Retail-Monkey Job…


Paranoid Tales #5:

Issue Zero
Publisher: Chicken Outfit Media
Year: 1993

The last issue I self-published before going into the internet biz. This baby had a color cover printed by a grocery flyer company (the only printer who agreed print my work at the time) with poor results. Actually, just the marketing guy agreed. Once it was on the press (offset printing) the owner happened to be there that day, scrutinized the work and said, “I wouldn’t want my grandchildren to read this filth.” and stopped the presses. Self-Published it.

Highlight tales include:

Corporate Video Capers 1” which was somewhat based on reality – as I used to work at a low-budget post production house.

Captain Id and Super Ego” – a parody of bad superheroes that plagued my childhood until I discovered “Tales From the Crypt” and “Famous Monsters of Filmland.” – May the Ackermeister Rest In Peace.